Mistake
by Ellitheria
Summary: Magnus had never thought of Alec in those terms before - a child. He never acted like anything but an adult - a strong, sure, confident adult. Eighteen years to Magnus's seven hundred. Only eighteen years to learn about feelings, love, betrayal, the world, everything. He didn't understand what he was doing. What he had done. Until it was too late. [Malec]


Good afternoon! This imaginary conversation has been going on in my head for some time so I decided to go ahead and write it down. I feel it's very realistic, raw, and worthy of being my first story on this site, after lurking in the background for several years. Enjoy!

**Summary**: An unexpected source offers Magnus some advice. Not relationship advice, but teenager advice.  
**Pairings**: Malec, Clace  
**Rating**: T (Language)

* * *

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock_. _Tick, tock_.

The incessant ticking of the clock over the couch was the only sound in the otherwise silent, still - and empty - flat. Magnus Bane sighed out heavily and stared, his brow furrowed, at the wall. His hands were stuffed beneath his head, ruffling his hair - what did he care? His feet, too long for the couch, were hanging off the end and swinging back and forth absently.

Magnus felt, rather than saw, Chairman Meow's disapproving glare.

"Oh, shut up. You're just a cat. What do you know?"

Chairman Meow flicked his tail up and then down quickly, once, twice, three times. His whiskers twitched and his eyes stared intently at Magnus. He let out a small, angry sound. Could cats be angry? Magnus wasn't sure. But Chairman Meow wasn't getting any closer. He just sat and stared, his disapproving eyes boring into Magnus's skull.

"Sod off."

The cat ignored him, choosing instead to reach one paw up and lick it absently, his eyes never leaving Magnus.

"I'm being judged by a cat. A _cat_. As if I'm the one needing to be judged. You would have done the same thing, if you weren't a ball of hair." _You would have broken up with Alec, too. Alec, who considered taking away your immortality. Alec, who betrayed you. Alec, who you loved - _no. Magnus couldn't afford those thoughts. He'd done the right thing - he had. How could he trust Alec, if he couldn't trust him with his life? No. He'd done the right thing. "You don't know anything, Chairman."

This, Chairman Meow seemed to take offense to. At least, that was Magnus's first thought as Chairman Meow jumped up from his spot on the couch and skipped toward the door -

- just as a loud, booming sound echoed through the flat. Someone was knocking on the door, rather loudly and insistently. Magnus pursed his lips and considered ignoring the person at the door, whoever it might be.

"I know you're in there."

_Jace_.

What the hell was he doing here?

"Let me in. I do know how to break down doors, you know."

"Come to defend your brother's honor, then? Tell me that he didn't actually mean to steal my immortality without my knowledge? A lot like life-rape, if you ask me," Magnus said, a sneer in his voice (hiding undercurrents of uncertainty and, he was afraid to admit, maybe even a bit of pain). He didn't move from the couch, though his resolve was crumbling. He didn't have the strength to fight through the wooden door. At least it wasn't Alec at the door. Seven hundred years old he might be, but it wasn't often that he had ended a love affair rather than let it burn out through the sheer mortality of the other person.

No answer from Jace. Just a tap, tap, tap on the door to remind Magnus that Jace rarely kidded about anything - especially when it involved breaking doors down.

"_Fine_. I'm coming."

Magnus jumped from the couch with cat-life grace, not bothering to straighten his hair or put on a shirt. His pajama pants hung low on his hips, his feet bare. Chairman Meow regarded him with a wary look as he approached the door. Magnus accidentally stepped very close to his tail as he reached to unlock the door. He didn't open it, instead opting to fall dramatically back onto the couch as Jace barged in.

"Tell me all about poor Alec showing up at your bedroom door, sharing his woes with you, and then leave," Magnus said shortly. He had grown to care about these Shadowhunters over the past months, taking his time and his assets to help them when in trouble. But as he stared at Alec's brother, he was reminded so viscerally of the other Lightwood boy that he couldn't help the traces of acid that leaked into his voice.

"Alec? Spilling his woes to me?" Jace scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest as Chairman Meow circled his feet, rubbing up against him in a quest for affection. Magnus stared at the cat, mouthing "_Traitor_," as Jace spoke again. "As if. _Patabatai_ we may be, but Alec does not feel the need to share his feelings with me, despite how obvious they are to anyone who looks at him."

_Obvious_.

"So why did you come here, then?"

Jace smirked, his lips twitching as he stared at the Warlock, weary and worn on his couch. His usual amounts of glitter were gone, as was his carefully tamed hair. In their place was a man who was tired, physically and emotionally. Magnus's eyes were glossy, as if he had been thinking sad thoughts but had not allowed himself to really feel them.

"I came to offer you advice."

Magnus scoffed, in a very unsophisticated fashion.

"You? Offer me advice? As if there's anything you know about relationships that could offer me any insight that I have not previously had."

Jace laughed again, scuffing the floor with his foot as he reached down to scratch behind Chairman Meow's ear.

"Relationship advice? Although I no doubt have many pearls of wisdom to offer in the romance department, that's not why I'm here. I'm here to offer you a whole different kind of advice, Magnus. Teenager advice."

Magnus raised one eyebrow, but did not respond.

"Although I am no doubt exempt from this statement, I offer you one piece of advice you'll find true of most teenagers. Teenagers are, in general - and Alec, in specific - stupid."

Magnus chuckled darkly to himself. "That's it? Your pearl of wisdom?"

"Shut up and let me talk. And don't interrupt. I practiced this speech, and I'll be damned if I let you ruin it." Jace paused, for dramatic effect, and then continued, a small smirk playing on the edge of his lips. "Magnus, you're old. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. But I need you to push away all of your preconceived notions about Alec's motives, and about what he did. I get it - he made you feel vulnerable in a way you haven't felt in over seven hundred years. I get that that's confusing and probably terrifying. But you need to understand - Alec is _eighteen years old_. Compared to your seven hundred years of wisdom, my brother is an infant. He knows nothing."

Magnus listened, but didn't speak.

_Vulnerable_.

Was that the feeling that was sitting, heavy, on his chest? Was it vulnerable he felt when he had learned of what Alec had done? He'd felt angry - very angry - and betrayed. But vulnerable? What was that like? He didn't know anymore.

Jace continued, "It's been so long since you were a teenager, in love for the first time. I need you to understand this. I don't care what you do with the knowledge that I'm giving you tonight. It's not my business, and frankly I could give a rat's ass about you and your feelings right now. But understand this: Alec is eighteen, and in love with someone who is in love with him for the first time. He was scared of losing you."

_Of losing me? He could never lose me_, Magnus thought. _I'm the immortal one, it's was always _me_ who was going to lose _him.

"He just lost his baby brother," Jace said, and his voice broke on the word _brother_. "And the Fair Folk and Camille were screwing with his head and he was confused, and yes, he did consider taking away your immortality. But you know what I think is more powerful than any thought he could have had about making you a mortal? The fact that he didn't. He said no. He knew that because he was choosing to respect you and your right to choose to be mortal or not, that he was risking losing you as he grew older and you grew uninterested. He chose to lose you instead of betray you. And that's pretty damn hard for an eighteen year old who hasn't had seven hundred years to think it over. So yeah, he's stupid. But he loves you. He didn't understand what he was doing. What he had done. Until it was too late. And if you can't see past this, this, this... whatever the hell it is, that makes you think you're so perfect, so high and mighty, to realize that Alec is a mere child and _doesn't understand everything you understand_, to realize that you're wasting precious minutes you could be spending with the one you love, then you're more stupid than he is. We could all be killed tonight, murdered in our beds, and you're letting the fact that Alec made a mistake - like you've never made mistakes! - ruin the kind of love that some of us thought we'd never get to have, it's unforgivable."

And with that, Jace, turned on his heel and walked out the door, leaving it open.

Magnus said nothing. He just sat on his couch, and slowly folded his hands under his chin. The wind blew through the door, ruffling his messy hair and stinging his eyes.

_Alec is a child... he doesn't understand... he made a mistake..._

Magnus had never thought of Alec in those terms before - a child. He never acted like anything but an adult - a strong, sure, confident adult. Eighteen years to Magnus's seven hundred. Only eighteen years to learn about feelings, love, betrayal, the world, everything.

_He didn't understand what he was doing. What he had done. Until it was too late_.

Magnus jumped up from the couch. He strode out the front door, not bothering to put shoes or a shirt on.

Chairman Meow watched him go, blue sparkles whizzing and popping, slowly dying in the spot where Magnus had disappeared just outside the doorway.

He curled up in the warm spot left by the warlock and went to sleep, content.

* * *

Alec lay in bed, staring unseeing at the ceiling. His hands were sprawled out beside him, clenching the sheets as he willed himself not to think, not to feel. The room was dark, only the smallest amount of moonlight crawling in through the hastily closed curtains.

_It's over_. _It was the best thing that ever happened to me, and it's over, because I'm a weak, foolish_...

Alec cut his thoughts off, biting his lip and closing his eyes. Was this what it felt to have your heart broken? It felt like a knife had cut through his chest, jagged and messy, in a way that no _iratez_ could heal. He'd poured out his emotions to one person, opened himself to being broken, and now he was and he didn't know what to do with it.

_The feel of his skin, the stupid clothes he wore, his smile, the sunshine on his skin, the feel of my fingers in his hair, his warmth in bed, being held in his strong arms, the arousing knowledge that my boyfriend can summon demons and kill them in the same breath, Chairman Meow trying to curl his way between us on a lazy morning, his warm breath as he leaned in for the first kiss of the_ day...

Alec didn't know when he'd started crying. He didn't cry. He was a Shadowhunter, dammit! He was the eldest of the Lightwoods, the leader, the strong one. He'd been there for Izzy after Max, for Jace when he'd needed a sparing partner to take his mind off of his troubles. He didn't cry. He couldn't let himself cry. Crying, ragged, broken, only opened that jagged wound further.

God, if loving someone meant this much pain, why did everyone ever do it? How did they heal? How could he put himself back together and continue to walk around? Did you have to stitch together that jagged hole, paint a smile on, and pretend that nothing hurt you? That you didn't care? That you'd never love anyone again as long as _he _walked the earth, because his sparkly eyes and his laugh and his warm hands were what you had given your heart to?

Alec reached up and pressed his palms heavily into his eyes. It stung, and the pain felt good. It distracted him from the other pain. When he pulled his hands back, his palms were wet with his salty tears. The wind blowing across his palms cooled the tears, and -

Wait.

The wind?

Alec looked up in confusion. The window. He was sure he had closed it, earlier when he had stomped into his room and tried to shut all of the light out.

But then he saw the silhouette, tall and dark, moonlight shining against _his_ back, outlining _his_ perfect shape.

His breath caught in his throat, and it sounded like a strangled cry as he tried to hastily wipe his tears and sit up at the same time.

And then he saw it - _his_ tired, worn face. And he felt it - _his_ warm, soft hands on his shoulders, pulling him into a tight embrace. And then he heard it, _his_ warm, honey coated voice -

"Alec."

And then he knew - come war, death, pain. Everything would be okay.

_Fin_.

* * *

I have done a lot of thinking - and I do mean A LOT - about this whole situation. I don't think Magnus is being fair to Alec. Really. Alec has only lived eighteen years and Magnus has lived seven hundred. It's not fair to expect from Alec what Magnus would expect from himself. Alec will learn, but he's not there yet and he will make mistakes. I think that the ability to forgive and learn from the mistakes is a foundation to grow a lasting relationship on.

Aaaaaaanyway.

**Please review! Leave thoughts, good or bad, ideas, etc!**

**~Ellitheria**


End file.
